You'd think I'd have a hang of this "life" thing by now

[uisceros]

I'm pretty bored, and have nothing really useful to say, but whatever, here's a post! About life! OMG SO EXCITING! I'll even write in COLORS and SPARKLES to make it better. (Nixed the sparkles... they make stuff damn hard to read)

1. Shoulder still fucking hurts. Positive - cortisone shot worked, no longer experiencing sharp shooting pain. Negative - still aches like a motherfucker, plus it's all weak and exhausted all the time. Overall, a positive improvement though.

2.I dyed my hair back to dark brown yesterday (I've been blonde for two years). It's jarring, despite it being very close to my natural color. I also added some kickass teal streaks in. Because sometimes a girl just wants some goddamn multi-colored hair, okay?!

3. Sadly, due to exhaustive pain, my foray into academic programs has stalled. I'm still planning it, and I still have a shitload of time to get my act together, so whatever. Still don't know what program to choose though...

4. I'm enjoying being slightly crazy, esoteric, and old lady-ish in my everyday life. There's nothing more fun than having arguments about what antibody causes allergic response in humans (for the record, it's IgE. I was wrong... thought it was the non-existent IgH), or long discussions about what exactly is defined as beautiful to an individual. Or even stupid stuff about how David Tennant was the best Doctor ever, or how I want to learn how to use a flail because seriously, who's going to attack someone with a flail?!

5. Sometimes I wish I was wired a bit more like the general population. It would make social interactions a lot easier. As it is, I'm forced to sit and listen to people talk about their nights out at the bar, or look at pictures of family weddings, and I'm like "REALLY?". I can fake interaction well enough, but is that what people do normally? Talk about stupidly benign things? As an introvert, my brain works differently. I find all this stuff exhausting and pedestrian. And then whenever I mention anything about myself, I can hear the crickets, and people being like "...what?", because I am very clearly not the norm. And then when they talk about me behind my back (not even necessarily maliciously), I am reminded of how much I just don't trust people, and why I should never freely speak to anyone I haven't known for over half my life.

You know, I would have been a kickass Greek philosopher.


I keep forgetting to comment and reply to stuff because that's who I am. However, short comments to some of my peeps :D
frostedpopcorn - CONGRATS!!!
seven_trees - So exciting about the concert! Have tons and tons of fun.
anenko - I get that way too after the obsession stage is gone. I commiserate.
lydzi - Your vacation pics make me want to go to Wales even more!
sigrun - Welcome back to LJ land! I'm glad you're doing well.
airplanemusic - I think we can agree that families suck, and reality is for losers. I'll really try to reply more in depth later.

Anyone else I forgot, SORRY! It's not you, it's me. I suck at life. Badly.

Comments

[anenko.livejournal.com]

I'm forced to sit and listen to people talk about their nights out at the bar, or look at pictures of family weddings, and I'm like "REALLY?".

I hear ya. I do a lot of nodding and smiling, but feel like a jerk for not really caring.

I probably talk too much about myself because. . . that's what you're supposed to do, right? Share stuff about yourself? IDK. I like silent companionship so much better than this *talking* business.

I'm glad that your shoulder is feeling better.

[uisceros.livejournal.com]

I hear ya. I do a lot of nodding and smiling, but feel like a jerk for not really caring.

I've long since given up feeling bad for not caring. I will act interested, and I will ask questions, and listen. I will be polite. I think that's the most I can do, and I think that's good enough. Besides, I have a strong suspicion 99% of people don't care about what others talk about either.

I probably talk too much about myself because. . . that's what you're supposed to do, right?

HAHA YOU ARE ME. Seriously, I end up talking too much about myself, because I never ask anyone else about themselves. Not because I'm trying to be rude, but I just don't think to. I honestly don't know what to ask. Talking is hard :(

[seven-trees.livejournal.com]

I'm super excited about the trip. Not only because I'm gonna see Dir en Grey and or because it's Chicago (I LOOOOOVE CHICAGO) but because it's gonna be the first vacation I've ever gone on by myself.

1 Glad your shoulder hurts less. Hope the pain goes away soon.

2 WORD. Multi-colored hair is DA BOMB. Every time I see someone with like pink tips or streaks I am just utterly consumed with envy. I WANT IT. Teal sounds so cool though.

5 I think that's what people normally do. Or maybe it's just what I do too. I mean, when I have a conversation with someone I'm not really comfortable with, everything I say sounds completely stupid and everything the other person says sounds boring as hell. I just power through it until I hit on something the person and I both have in common, or well, until we both get tired of each other and never talk again.

[uisceros.livejournal.com]

Really? Coolness! I sort of love traveling solo. It's weirdly liberating. Never been to Chicago myself, but I do hear it's nice.

I LOOOVE the teal. And it last a weirdly long time. Even when it fades it turns a lovely shade of green, so I'm good. I put some pink in my hair as well, but it doesn't show up nearly as well for some reason. Either way, I love multi-colored hair :)

It might be normal. Maybe others just deal with the awkwardness better than I do. I tend to freeze when confronted with a new person. Like, I CAN'T TALK NORMALLY. I go silent, like if I speak I'll be tortured or something. Either that, or I turn weird and super sarcastic. I have no idea what's wrong with me! Human conversation is so hard ;P

[seven-trees.livejournal.com]

Chicago is spectacular. I'm just hoping there isn't some freak snowstorm the second I land.

Damn, your hair sound so fun. I haven't even touched up my roots in ages. :(

[airplanemusic.livejournal.com]

5 5 5 5 55555 forever
Talking to ~normal~ people is so damn tiring.

Oh speaking of knowing people for over half their life, HAPPY 18TH ANNIVERSARY!! Our friendship can now buy smokes and porn.

Don't feel obligated to reply! If you want to, of course, comments are welcome! But you don't need to worry about it~ Especially cause we both know how shitty I am at replying to anything....

[uisceros.livejournal.com]

IT IS SO TIRING, OMG. I think half of the reason I go to sleep immediately after getting off work is that I spend TEN HOURS having to socialize in some way, that I'm just so fucking tired after it all.

OMG WE'RE OLD. OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD OLD.
But yeah, we need to make matching t-shirts to wear when we meet new people that say something to the extent of "No, we're not gay. We've just been friends for a really fucking long time, okay?!"

I WON'T. But I did! Just really, really late. Story of my life - I do everything I need to do, it just usually takes me fucking forever to get to it.

[airplanemusic.livejournal.com]

SAME. I think the most tiring thing about work isn't the work itself, it's the interacting with people all fucking day. uggghhhh. I couldn't imagine doing retail or something where your job IS interacting with people.

I think.. that might backfire.... Just a hunch. Matching shirts are kind of gay.

[uisceros.livejournal.com]

Eh, Social anxiety. That one's a killer. If you suspect you have it, you probably do, sadly enough. Have you see a therapist about it? If you can, see a specialist, and not your primary care doctor. Most of the time, general practitioners aren't equipped to handle mental health issues. The best thing to do is to find a psychologist in order to get on a drug treatment plan. I hate hate hate medications, but they're the only thing that work for me. Another idea is to try a psychologist, or a therapist, just to talk. I've been in therapy pretty consistently since I was 13. It's helped more than anything else, just having someone to talk to.

Think of it this way - it's a GOOD THING. Being different than most is awesome. We might not come off as smooth or normal, but who cares? Inside we know we're so much more awesome than everyone else :)

I feel you on the awkwardness about relationships/babies. I don't want kids, and I prefer not being in a relationship (too many neurosis make living with someone else really really difficult for me).

Don't worry about being selfish. It's what you HAVE to be. I think of it this way - no one else is going to look out for you, so you have to take it into your own hands. I'm quite selfish, and I embrace it. Who says I have to be perfect and selfless all the time, especially when I'll get taken advantage of for it?

It's taken me a long time, but I've finally realized I'm mostly happy with who I am. I embrace my "flaws", because it's who I am, and I'm not going to change, especially not because it's proper and expected.

Okay, that got rambly and long...