Libera me, Domine, de morte æterna, in die illa tremenda

So here's the deal; I'm over Asian music (and, sadly, Big Bang).

Not in a "NOW I HAAAAAATE IT!!!!!!11!!!!" kind of way. More in a "I used to love it, but that part of my life is over now, and I'm moving on~" sort of way.

My brain functions like this -
1. I see something new.
2. I OBSESS over said thing for awhile (could be weeks, could be years).
3. I burn myself out on the thing.
4. I slowly stop paying attention to the thing.
5. I find a NEW thing to obsess over.

Nothing I love in my life is permanent. I'm always in flux. I can never be sure if a fascination is real, or if it's a passing whim. It's happened before, it will happen again.

It's sad - the end of an era for me (I've been in this since 2008). I haven't listened to Asian music in months. Even Big Bang. I feel no sort of intense obsession over them anymore. I was looking at a pic of GD the other day, and I don't even really find him that attractive anymore. So... that happened.

I'm thinking about selling my Big Bang stuff. My monster, MONSTER collection. I don't need it, and it's just a shitload of stuff sitting around unused. I figure I could get a bunch of money for some of my really rare things. AND since fans in the US get shafted for kpop stuff, I figure there's probably a lot of fans who would die to get some of my things.

I'll still follow BB - I'll listen to their new music, and support them. But it's not the same. I'm not the same. Change happens.

What's next? I don't know. I'm getting older. I feel it. Should I have proper adult hobbies? Like... making ships in bottles? Crossword puzzles? Antiquing? Probably not going to happen.

Right now I'm still focused on going to school in London next year. Aside from that, I'm still trying to figure things out. I want to work on my internet addiction, but things are not looking promising right now (damn you, amazing beautiful delicious internet, DAMN YOU). I'll let you know what I find out.

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In my car. I had just gotten out of my AP English high school class. I was driving home. I heard Bush's speech on the radio. I drove home, and me and my sister watched the towers fall live on TV.

The next day I found out several of the people on the planes that hit the towers were from my town, and the surrounding areas.

I attended a 9/11 funeral for the father of a boy who was in my class in school. It was horrible and tragic.

And that's it. It's been ten years. It feels like yesterday.

( Bored~ )


- Still not watching anything. These things come and go. One day I'll decide to watch dramas again. Until then, I'm very much stuck on British TV.

- I've started watching Torchwood, which is lovely. I'm watching both series 1 and 4, which is confusing, but works out in the end. I do nothing linearly. I adore all the characters (well, mostly - I feel rather meh about Tosh, but that might change), and the plot is fun.

- I STILL can't decide on which grad program to apply for. I'd ask for opinions, but I have a feeling most people don't feel the same sort of excitement towards the study of infectious diseases that I feel (it's between Medical Parasitology, Medical Microbiology, and Tropical Medicine and International Health).

And that's it.

I have to reply individually to everyone that gave me London advice, but here's a general THANK YOU.

(*apologizes in advance for not making sense, and possibly swearing like a sailor*)

- Still planning on London. Because why the fuck not? I really have nothing tying me here. I like to be free as a bird. And goddamn it, I WILL BE. Luckily I don't have to have my application in until March, so that's nice. PLENTY of time to procrastinate.

- Going to apply for a higher position at work. Because, also, why the fuck not? Better pay = more money to move away with.

- I BOUGHT A CAR, YOU GUYS. A decent car. Not a shitty one like all my other cars (I've had 3 [though my first car I can't bear to call shitty because it was the best car ever], and THIS CAR is the first with air conditioning, a CD player, and windows that ACTUALLY WORK. Yeah. It's amazing). I'll post pictures soon, but it's essentially THIS CAR - except mine is black. 2007 Toyota Yaris Sedan. Basically my dream car (that isn't a Porsche), which is awesome.

- I've been in this weird, extremely happy mood lately. I'm pretty sure it's because of the shitload of antidepressants being pumped into me (I hate them, but MAN do they work). I'm not talking in hyperbole either - I'm on a lot a medication. I have treatment-resistant depression, which means the only way it's ever successfully been treated, is to load me full of meds. I'm on an SNRI, and a SSRI - both on high dosage. I'm fairly constantly at risk for Serotonin syndrome. It's the funnest thing ever... On the plus side, BIZARRE AND FREAKISH EXCITEMENT OVER EVERYTHING! I love it when I randomly talk to people (INCLUDING STRANGERS) about my mental health~

- I've also been NEEDING change. I crave it like heroin. I've been dying my hair pretty constantly. I've been wanting to move the fuck away. I've been planning and ruminating and just being really freaky about everything. I keep changing what I want, and FOR ONCE it's not bad. It's great. I love it. I want so much and I need it all.

- I'm starting to not make sense, huh? I BLAME THE FACT THAT IT'S 4AM.


Also still Doctor Who obsessed. Still. Always. Forever. Done.

I used to post on this thing 3-4 times a day. What happened? Oh yeah, life...

Several things!

1. I've started watching Doctor Who. And hell if I didn't become ridiculously obsessed. I'm about halfway through series 1 (2005), and I've skipped around in series 2 and 4 as well. The whole Doctor/Rose thing is lovely and heartbreaking. It literally made me cry at one point. Me. Cry. That's nearly unheard of. I love British TV. It really never lets me down. I guess over the years I've come more accustomed to British humor, because I seriously find this show SO AMAZINGLY FUNNY. This was not the case 10 years ago, when I had issues trying to figure out why Brassed Off was considered comedic... I think watching the British version of Whose Line every single day for many many months somehow changed my brain.

2. As per darkeyedwolf's recommendation, I started watching Rebound, which is adorable. Plus, MOCO IS IN IT, AND I LOVE MOCO. Who doesn't love Moco? Freaks. That's who. I've had issues with Aibu Saki in the past (I really, REALLY hated her character in Utahime, and due to transference, I've been lukewarm about her ever since). This is the role that actually made me like her. I cannot help but like her here. (This happened once before with Seto Koji, who I HATED in Koizora, but won me over in Atadan) The plot is a bit weird. Body issues, fat people, etc etc etc. I enjoy that they actually made Saki and Moco appear fat - usually they put a normal sized girl on screen, and are like "OMG FAT!!!!11". And I like that there is a show that addresses this. I DO NOT LIKE that she apparently lost 70lbs in 2 weeks. Not possible. BELIEVE ME. As formerly kinda-anorexic (long story), I know this cannot happen. 30lbs in 2 weeks eating nothing but 5 baby carrots a day? SURE. But not 70. Either way, I'm only a few episodes in. I got distracted (as per usual), but I do hope to return to it as soon as the Doctor Who mania burns off.

3. I'm not going to talk much about Dae here, mostly because it breaks my heart. I will say that I don't think he should be found responsible. My dad actually had a similar situation happen to him. He was driving on the highway at night when all of a sudden the car in front of him swerved into the other lane. Because YOU CANNOT PHYSICALLY SEE WHAT IS ON THE ROAD IN FRONT OF THE CAR IN FRONT OF YOU, he didn't see that there was something in the road, and hit it. This happens. Dae didn't see the motorcyclist, and it was no fault of his. I don't know Korean law, and I'm SURE it's different, but here in the USA, you would not be found responsible for something like that. Especially if you didn't hit the person in the first place. I think people are paying WAY too much attention to Dae, and not focusing on the real issue - the driver who hit the motorcyclist to begin with, and then drove away. I have sympathy for the deceased's family, of course. But I also have sympathy for Dae, who is also a victim, IMO. He's being blamed for something that he could literally not avoid. Wrong place, wrong time. I have a feeling a lot of these people who keep saying it's Dae's fault (or at least partially his fault) don't actually drive on a regular basis...

4. Things are boring / okay at work and stuff. I'm not going to stay long there - no fault of theirs, but I need to change. I can't live my life doing this.

5. Went to the doctor, got meds. I hope to soon be happier. Now, if I could only remember to take them...

6. The weather's been really fucked up here. Everyone knows of the devastating tornado's all over the country? Well, last night three hit in Massachusetts. Seriously. Tornadoes. Here. We don't get many of those. But these were bad. They hit six towns, killed four people, injured at least 200, and practically destroyed a whole town center. Luckily I live rather far from where they struck, but I did get a scare when randomly the sky turned green last night. Weirdly enough, we didn't even get much rain. The storm seemed to pass just below where we are.


I think that's it for now - I have to go to the gym (*gag*), so off~

It's 2am and I'm bored, so NATURALLY, I decided to post my skin care regimen. I've seen a few other people do this recently, and since other people's have helped me in the past (how I discovered Mario Badescu), I figured why not.

This... is MOSTLY everything. I have an embarrassing amount of other stuff, but this is the stuff I'm currently using.

My skincare can easily be divided into two separate but equally important factions - acne prevention, and anti-aging. MOST of the time, when my skin isn't being an asshole, anti-aging is the priority. But when my skin decides to freak out, that falls to the wayside while I figure out how to calm my skin. Right now I'm in between - thus why I'm using SO MUCH.


click to see larger

( What this all is, and why I use it )

Soooo yeah. That's it :)

Oh yeah! Almost forgot... My NUMBER ONE skin treatment is an oral antibiotic. I take one daily. If I don't, things go to hell. Seriously. I need that shit to survive.

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My family had the Atari system from before I was born, so it's highly plausible I first played Pac-man, or something of the sort.

The first video game I actually remember playing was Super Mario Bros (or Duck Hunt... one of the two). We got the NES system in, I believe, '85 or '86.

The first computer game... I have no idea. Probably solitare or something. We got our first computer around 1990. We had a LOT of the early DOS games (my dad was/is a gamer) - stuff like Duke Nukem, Commander Keen, Dark Ages, SimAnt, etc. Which is why, even now, I can navigate DOS like no one's buisness.

Ah, nostalgia. I actually prefer the DOS platform games to the stuff that's out now...

Okay, the "Love Song" MV. I ADORE the damn thing. It's a lovely bit of cinematography. It's done in (probably) two very long takes. Not only that, but the editing is seamless. The crane work is perfect. I didn't find a single error or misstep, and I watched this thing like a hawk. There were no shadows or reflections from the crane, which is pretty damn impressive.

Like I said, it's done in (probably) two takes. I love long takes. They're one of my favorite film techniques. I love how they flow - they can look pretty damn sleek when done well. IMO, Orson Welles was the best at this - See Touch of Evil, or Citizen Kane.

I studied film technique in college. I'm a cinematography geek. I love when I get to use my knowledge for random fannish stuff. But really, this video is lovely. The money spent making it was definitely worth it.



As for plot... I really don't care about that. Most MVs don't have a plot. They're supposed to be a visual experience to correspond to the song. I don't care if that visual experience includes a plot. In fact, a lot of times I prefer it didn't. And a lot of times, if a video DOES have a plot, it doesn't exactly make sense with the song (Alejandro...). So whatever. I honestly don't give a shit.

And I love them. I KNEW I was going to, but it's different actually hearing them and knowing for sure.

To be honest, I was a little unsure about "Love Song". I don't do as well with slower songs. I like my music to be epic, which usually means a heavy and fast beat. I figured it would exceed my expectations. Big Bang songs are always so much more awesome than the teasers for them.

And, I was right. The song is fabulous. I'm really surprised by how much I like it. (OMG Dae's vocals... they give me the chills) It reminds me of SOMETHING, something good. The closest thing I can compare it to is artsy melodic rock-pop. It gives me the same feeling as some of the more epic songs on Silverchair's Diorama do. The closest that makes sense is Tuna in the Brine.

As for "Stupid Liar", well, I knew I was going to love that one. Rock-inspired, with beautiful vocals, a catchy hook, and strong rap parts? YEAH. Like I wasn't going to like that? No other real comment other than it's fabulous, and I will be listening to it on repeat for a long time.

"Baby Don't Cry" is lovely. Dae's voice is amazing. AMAZING. I heard it at the concert originally. At the first concert I was like "ehhhhhhhhhh......", because seriously, I don't like ballads much (except, randomly, for Chinese ballads). The second concert I was in to it. I can't be apathetic about Dae's songs for very long. His voice is too damn pretty for that. And, honestly, the chorus (which was the only part I remembered from the concert) has been stuck in my head for at least 2 weeks.